Why Pastors Struggle With Confronting Domestic Violence

I believe that some Pastors struggle with infidelity and sexual abuse as well. It amazes me of the number of women I know that have stayed in an abusive relationship because of what their Pastor told them. This is sad and true on so many levels. It really sickens me that we continue to find ways to blame the victim.

Because of the writing I do on domestic violence (e.g., "Church to Abused Wife: Stay With Him"), I hear from a truly disheartening number of women who write in to relate their stories of pastors who, in one way or another, advised them to stick with their abusive husbands: to be more submissive, a better sex partner, to pray more, etc.

So I started thinking about the weirdness of so many women having such similar stories, when I personally have never known a single pastor whose moral compass was so thoroughly tweaked that he actually thought it was in any way acceptable for a husband to abuse his wife.

I've known a lot of pastors. And I have real difficulty believing that any one of them, tacitly or otherwise, would ever condone domestic violence.

And yet here were all these women telling me that's pretty exactly what happened with their pastor. And I know those women were not lying, or somehow mistaken about what had happened to them. When a person is writing the real raw truth of their lives, their words take on a simple, clarion integrity that even the most accomplished fiction writers struggle to convincingly fake. There could be no doubting the veracity of these women's stories. Their pastors really had pooh-poohed their fears and concerns, and, Bible in hand, had essentially pushed them back into the swinging arms of their abusive husbands.

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